A study in Child Development found harsh verbal discipline predicted more conduct problems in teens

Parent coach Mike Barsamian says most families are living inside that loop without knowing it.

CHINO, CA, UNITED STATES, October 12, 2026 /EINPresswire.com/ -- Parents of teenagers often describe the same experience. The consequences keep getting bigger, and nothing gets better.

Research that has held up for more than a decade suggests that is not a coincidence.

In a study published in the journal Child Development, Ming-Te Wang of the University of Pittsburgh and Sarah Kenny of the University of Michigan followed 976 two-parent families as their children went from age 13 to 14. They examined parents' use of harsh verbal discipline, defined as shouting, swearing at a child, or humiliating them with insults such as "lazy" or "stupid."

They found that harsh verbal discipline at 13 predicted increases in conduct problems and depressive symptoms over the following year.

They also found the reverse. Adolescent misconduct at 13 predicted increases in parents' harsh verbal discipline over the same period.

Mike Barsamian, a parent coach for parents of teenagers who has worked with teens and families since 2003, said that second finding is the one families recognize.

"Nobody starts out yelling," Barsamian said. "They start out reasonable. Then it doesn't work, so they get firmer. Then that doesn’t work, so they get louder. By the time a parent calls me they are three or four rounds into something they never chose."

The finding most parents will not expect

Wang and Kenny also tested whether a warm, close parent-child relationship reduced the harm. It did not.

"The notion that harsh discipline is without consequence, especially if there is a strong bond, is misguided because parents' warmth didn't lessen the effects," Wang said when the study was released.

Barsamian said that is the hardest part to hear.

"Most parents I work with believe the closeness cancels it out," he said. "That they can lose it on Tuesday because they show up on Saturday. The research says the Saturday does not undo the Tuesday."

He said he is careful not to overstate what the study covers.

"This is specifically about shouting, swearing and humiliating. It is not a study telling you that boundaries are bad," Barsamian said. "Teenagers need limits. What they do not need is the volume."

Most households do not have a boundary problem

Barsamian said the conversation he has with almost every parent starts with a question about boundaries, and rarely ends where they expect.

"I ask whether they have had a hard time holding a boundary, and everybody says yes, all the time," he said. "Then I ask for an example, and they tell me their kid keeps bringing a phone to the table."

He said that is usually the moment the problem becomes visible.

"That is not a boundary. That is a rule," Barsamian said. "And not wanting shoes left in the hallway is not a rule, it is a preference. Nothing wrong with any of them. But a boundary is the limit of your values, and that is a different thing entirely."

He said the follow-up question is where most families stall.

"So I ask what their family values actually are. And that is where people begin to stutter," he said. "They have not decided what they are building into this kid, character-wise. So they are enforcing rules with no values underneath them, and a teenager can feel that."

He said the escalation follows from that gap.

"If you do not know what the line is for, you make it up in the middle of an argument at ten o'clock at night," Barsamian said. "Then you are improvising a punishment, and next week you have to improvise a bigger one."

What the researchers recommended

Wang suggested that instead of harsh words, parents "discuss with them their concerns about the consequences of the behavior."

Barsamian said that sounds softer than it is.

"People hear that and think it means going easy. It does not," he said. "It means doing the harder thing, which is staying in the room and having a real conversation when what you actually want to do is end it."

He said the first step is usually recognizing the loop.

"Before you change what you are doing, notice that you and your kid are running a pattern together," Barsamian said. "You are both reacting to the last round. Somebody has to stop first, and it is not going to be the fifteen-year-old."

Barsamian holds a Master of Arts in Theology from Fuller Theological Seminary. He is a licensed and commissioned pastor and a Maxwell Leadership Certified Coach. He is a coach, not a therapist or a licensed clinician, and says parents who suspect something deeper is going on, including self-harm or substance use, should seek clinical support first. He created The PACE Setter Method™ and hosts the Present Solution Podcast.

Parents looking for more on this topic can read Punishments Don't Work on My Teenager.

Mike Barsamian
Present Solution For Parents
hello@presentsolutionforparents.com
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